Some people pursue early retirement and realize they feel a twinge of guilt (I did). They may experience a loss of identity (I did); they may be searching for purpose, community, and structure (I did); they may be feeling fickle as they flirt with one interest or another (I did); and as they hear people say, “I could never retire…” they may wonder, have I done the right thing? Does this feel right to me? Why am I feeling guilty?! (I did — and that felt like a ridiculous paradox!).

I know I felt that twinge of guilt the other day while I was at a coaching seminar. I was re-exploring my personal purpose and values when I realized I was feeling guilty about what I deemed a non-committal attitude. It has been just over one year since I retired from the corporate world and I was starting to feel a bit guilty for not truly committing to a new path or big endeavor. Ironically, I was feeling guilty for enjoying the lack of stress, the new-found freedom, the sense of satisfaction of not flying, not wearing suits, not being tied to email…

I realized I had been defining myself but what I DIDN’T want to be (i.e. corporate) but I wasn’t driving much clarity on who I DID want to be (?). Historically, I needed to make a commitment to something big to help define me… but what was that to be? I had always had a big commitment, a big goal, at the center of my being — I had been feeling a void in its place.

Someone said, “Maybe you need to commit to not committing?” It was a good try but it didn’t satisfy me. It was still defining myself through a negative, what I would NOT commit to…

I let my eyes drift to  a picture in the corner, actually two pictures, and suddenly saw an enlightening representation of what I was experiencing in my life transformation. The picture on the right represented my corporate experience. While I had greatly enjoyed my corporate career, it was only one or two dimensional; while it had sparks of color, it wasn’t truly vibrant or unleashed…
When I looked at the picture to the left in contrast, I suddenly felt joy, fun, energetic, dynamic, creative, movement, anything goes. I got sucked into the picture and said, “I commit to THAT picture. I commit to pursuing The Circus of Life!”

What does this commitment to “The Circus of Life” mean to me? It means I can fully commit to exploring life in all aspects:

• new learnings, new experiences, new adventures, new hobbies…
• no judgements, no regrets, no hesitations, no boundaries…
• endless creativity, endless fun, endless possibilities, endless joy…

The simple paradigm shift suddenly solved the paradox I had been facing. That nagging sense of guilt in my early retirement from a lack of commitment was suddenly transformed into an energizing commitment that inspires me without constraint. To pursue “The Circus of Life” to its fullest and help others do so is a great commitment – perhaps a new life purpose. Along the way, I will explore new hobbies, new adventures, new humor, new stories, perhaps some other new commitments as I discover them — and I will paint my new picture of life. From now on, my life will always resemble a bit of a circus – some chaos, some balance, and a lot of fun – The Circus of Life. The truth is, it has always been a bit of a circus — it just took me looking in a new way to see it!

What does “The Circus of Life” mean to you?! In what way does it inspire you?