MyLife2.0 - The Journey and Journal, Structure for Well-Being

The Ending is the Best Part!

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In his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller said

“Humans are alive for the purpose of a journey, a kind of three-act structure. They are born and spend several years discovering themselves and the world, then plod through a long middle in which they are compelled to search for a mate and reproduce, and also create stability out of natural instability, and they find themselves at an ending that seems designed for reflection.”

Now, I don’t agree with calling the third act in life the  “ending” but I must say I am enjoying this third phase of life filled with re-flection, re-invention, and challenging generally accepted paradigms immensely!

Please have a read through some past posts (on the sidebar to the left) and let us know which ones most inspire you by commenting. We have recently relocated to the Florida Panhandle, have settled in with family, schools, etc., and are now  excited to commit more time to writing, sharing, and exploring via TJoR and CEOhm (note: CEOhm is currently only available on Facebook). We appreciate your feedback as we continue to grow together.

the-joy-of-retirement
The Blue Angels and Quiet Reflection!

Be Good. Do Good. Have Fun!

MyLife2.0 - The Journey and Journal, Simplicity, Updates

Making the Shift toward Joy and Thanksgiving!

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Shifting from Pursuing Wealth Maximization to Pursuing Daily Joy!

The Dalai Lama says: “Many who are indifferent to any form of spiritual practice are materially well off in some developed countries, but even then they are completely unsatisfied. Although they are affluent they are not content. They suffer the anguish of wanting more, so that although they are materially wealthy, they are mentally poor. It is when they find that they cannot achieve whatever they wish for that the trouble really starts. They become depressed and anxiety creeps in. I have talked with some of my friends who are very wealthy, but because of their material outlook on life, they are absorbed by business and make no room for a practice, which might help them gain some perspective. In the process they actually lose the dream of happiness, which money was to have provided”

The word “practice” can be filled here with “mindfulness, meditation, religion, friends, family, love, reflection, hobbies, passion, simplicity, joy,” etc. The point is, in life and in retirement, we would do well to turn our focus from making money and pursuing material things to pursuing our own development, our joy, our own journey. In my words, a simple and dramatic Shift from Pursuing Wealth Maximization to Pursuing Daily Joy! (see, also, Breaking the Paradox)

Where do you find your Joy?! Is it in:
— reading, meditation, prayer?
— helping, serving others, volunteering?
— learning, pursuing new hobbies, home maintenance?
— exercise, sports, physical fitness, pushing your boundaries?
— socialization, travel, camping, RVing?
— exploring the arts, music, theatre?
— reflecting on the world in macro terms or micro perspective?
— connecting with people, old and new friends?

How can you commit to pursuing more of it, everyday?!

The Joy of Retirement comes from a combination of broad perspective and mindfulness of the moment!
The Joy of Retirement comes from a combination of broad perspective and mindfulness of the moment!

Pursuing Daily Joy trains us to be in the moment even while growing and developing toward long term goals. The path emerges as you focus on each step — and the beauty and surprises of life will be welcomed with joy. Find a near term goal, short term purpose, or simply follow your heart, gut, or intuition.

In today’s day and age, it is more important than ever that we train or re-train ourselves to SHIFT GEARS and focus on the Daily Pursuit of Joy instead of the obsession with material pursuits; being in the moment, and energizing others by sharing our engagement and sincerity in every encounter. EnJoy the experience! Be Good. Do Good. Have Fun!

Start now… reflect and SHARE this and other posts from The Joy of Retirement with others just in time for Thanksgiving! Feel free to go back and read other pages about Ego, Mindfulness, Simplicity, Joy, and more and Share the Joy!

How do you you find daily joy?

If you have begun the Shift, what surprises you about this shift of gears from the pursuit of wealth to the pursuit of joy?!

 

Resources: The Way to Freedom (by the Dalai Lama), The Shift (by Wayne Dwyer)

MyLife2.0 - The Journey and Journal, Simplicity

Why I LOVE my Superman T-Shirt in My Life2.0!

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I LOVE my superman t-shirt. It reminds me of a childhood hero and it is so soft and comfortable. It is faded and it is fun. It makes me smile and makes others smile…

The Joy of Retirement…and I bought my favorite Superman T-shirt at Walmart for $5.00!

Even when I was working as a successful executive making beau cue bucks, I was never into designer clothes. I never cared about logos or names. It never took me more than 37 seconds to change into shorts and a t-shirt when I got home.

Now that I have pursued early retirement, I LIVE in shorts and flip-flops. And, obviously, I can wear my new Superman t-shirt whenever I want!

When someone sees me in my “S” they usually smile. They like the freedom I show to look confident, have some fun, and not take life too seriously. Every once in a while I see someone else wearing the t-shirt and we smile at each other knowingly.

“Walmart!” we say to one another with a grin.

As an early retiree enjoying a bit of coaching and consulting on the side, the last thing I care to spend money on are my daily clothes. I am going to do yard work in them, play in them, run around town in them. I am certainly not trying to impress anyone and I simply want a shirt that is clean, comfortable, and fun. I WEAR my clothes and I WEAR them out!

Walmart for $5.00 fits the bill!

A few years ago, I might have put my nose up at this shirt, it’s price, and the store where I purchased it. Now, I focus on value, simplicity, and comfort. I love the fact that it was only $5.00. You know what? If I look at a second hand shop I might even be able to find it for $2.50! Now THAT would be cool!!

I. AM. SUPERMAN!

I. AM. CEOhm!

My priorities are “Family, Fun, and Flexibility.”

My purpose is to “Be Good. Do Good. Have Fun!”

Share your thoughts… Share your favorite shirts! Share your values and purpose!

Structure for Well-Being

The 2nd Agreement: Don’t take ANYTHING personally!

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The second agreement from Don Miguel’s Ruiz’s book, aptly named, “The Four Agreements”, is simple and freeing:

“Don’t take Anything Personally!”

How easy it is to watch others… we can see a child having a tantrum and know he doesn’t really “hate” his mother; we see a senior citizen mad at the customer service representative and know that senior may have had a very challenging day even getting to the store (it wasn’t the fault of the person at the counter or service rep).

Four Agreements BookYet, when it happens to you, when someone criticizes you or yells at you,  it can be more difficult! You may feel offended and your reaction is to defend yourself, defend your beliefs, and create conflicts. You may make something big out of something small because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You may hold onto this negative energy for hours, days, weeks or even longer! But… maybe that person was simply having a bad day; maybe that person needed to feel better about themselves; maybe that person comes from a different culture/background with different beliefs; maybe it wasn’t about you at all, it was about them.

So much sadness and drama in our lives is caused by us taking things personally. It is true at every age — children, teenagers, college-aged, new career, soccer moms, aging executives, and the elderly. We know those who seize onto the drama. As parents we have been fond of saying in the face of a tantrum, “when the audience leaves ,the show is over.”  The same holds true here, when we don’t take it personally, the drama and negativity fade.

When we create new habits to Not Take it Personally, we find peace, serenity, connections, understanding (as we seek to understand), compassion, love… such wonderful ways to fill our days and lives!

9 Things To Give Up for HappinessAs a life-long student of leadership and mindfulness, I found the following list of 9 Things to Give Up quite interesting related to the agreement not to take anything personally —

I reflected on this list from different perspectives – from the eyes of a child, or a worn-down or complacent colleague, a grumpy complainer, even from the perspective of a successful executive… I know many CEO’s who have mastered the first 6 on this list toward happiness (and success) but remain highly sensitive to the last 3. Obviously, it is these last 3 which highly correlate to “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. I would argue that if a senior leader truly wants to build a healthy and sustainable organization they must master these last 3 for themselves personally and professionally.

I will also put forward, for those of us who may not have mastered these last 3 aspects DURING our careers, retirement is a fantastic time time to tackle them and experience the many FREEING aspects of letting them go. I now regularly challenge myself to let go of these limiting needs. (See: L’Eggo My Ego!)

It will take time… we are working to change habits that we have established over a lifetime; but the benefits are great. By Not Taking Things Personally we open our curiosity and awareness to understand the world around us, to learn more about others and ourselves, to try new things, be silly, have fun, and to maintain thoughtful focus on our priorities, development, health and happiness instead of being distracted by and engaging in poisonous drama. Sounds pretty good to me… ready to give it a try!?

Four Agreements

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Structure for Well-Being, Updates

The First and Most Important Agreement

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I recently posted a photo reminder of The Four Agreements and had quite a few questions about them. So, I thought it would be helpful to write a bit more about each of these agreements. As we explore retirement, we each hope to be more thoughtful, wise, reflective… sometimes we must challenge ourselves to gain these insights and learnings – let’s do it!

Four AgreementsFirst, let me give full credit to where credit is due. Don Miguel Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements, a relatively short book based on ancient teachings of the Toltec’s of Mexico. Irregardless of where they came from originally, they hold great power for each of us today.

These four Agreements are important to consider in order, and the first is clearly the most important. If we can each live by this one Agreement we would eliminate the vast majority of drama, pain, and misunderstanding in our lives and for those around us.

The words of the first Agreement are simple: Be Impeccable with Your Word.

The intent and discipline behind that Agreement, however, are not as simple but very achievable for each of us with practice.

What does Impeccable mean. Certainly, it means be conscious, be choiceful of each word but with what intent? Impeccable comes from the Latin, pecatus, meaning “sin”. Im means “without”. Without Sin in this context doesn’t necessarily refer to religious sin but more broadly moral sin as you may define it. Don’t sin against others or yourself by speaking words of blame, implying guilt, using hurtful words – words that hurt others and ourselves.

So often we use our words to share anger, jealousy, envy, hate, and knowingly or unknowingly create confusion or misdirection in others. How often do our words, and those of others, communicate ‘unsubstantiated truths’ — GOSSIP! And what is the impact of gossip? It is a disturbing and far reaching ripple that can have a significant and long lasting impact on others. When we spend even a moment to reflect on it, it is evident there is no room or reason for gossip in our lives. We should make a commitment now to not speak it, not listen to it, it has no positive purpose for us. Part of Being Impeccable with Our Word, is being conscious about the discipline of eliminating gossip from our mouths and from our interactions every day. I am not saying it is easy, it will take practice, and I will come back to that in a moment.

So, if we seek to eliminate harmful words communicating blame, jealousy, spreading gossip, etc. you may ask, “what is left?!” It is simple and sounds so flowery: Truth and Love.

Speak the truth – share beneficial observations, creativity, curiosity, inquiry to better understand the world and the people around you.

Speak with love – share kindness, service, gratitude, fun and acknowledgement of others around you.
In very short order you will realize the “superpower” in each of us. We have the ability to impact those around us in dramatic and meaningful ways. Positive WordsOur Superpower can be used for good or evil. When we speak words of compassion, we lift people up. We give ourselves and others energy, inspiration, and generate smiles all around us. We do not speak fake positive words or speak with insincerity – simply by removing the negativity and connecting with others in a positive way, we build a better world all around us. We have that Superpower completely within our control.

Lastly, we must “Be Impeccable with Our Word” for OURSELVES. Think carefully about the words we use with ourselves. “Why do bad things always happen to me?” creates a negative energy and a mental focus on bad things — we then reinforce that and see negative things happening to us more often becoming a depressing downward spiral. Or, “I need to lose weight” labels as someone who needs to lose weight – starting tomorrow? or the day after that? but never brings action today! Instead, if focus on the positive and the NOW, if we say to ourselves, “I eat healthy foods” you can feel the impact almost immediately. We feel different, we act different, we eat different. Words are powerful.

Join me in practicing the first of the Four Agreements, and trust me, I am working on it, too! It is first Agreement because it is the most important. It’s daily practice gets us thinking differently and let’s us experience that difference for ourselves and it’s impact on those around us. Be Impeccable with Your Word – Speak only from truth and love. If you fall short one day, notice where and when it happened. Reflect on it at the end of the day and start the next day fresh, again and again. We have built our habits over many days and years, this Agreement will take daily practice and daily discipline but the insights and payoff are immense.

I know you can Be Impeccable with Your Word. It is one of the few things in life which is fully in each of our control. Seize control and let me know what you learn!

…then, we can move on to the Second Agreement! If you enjoyed this post, share with others so we can broaden the impact and learn together.

MyLife2.0 - The Journey and Journal, Structure for Well-Being

ceYoGA: Life Balance

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As an ex-CEO in early retirement, I am pursuing several paths to strengthen skills that have laid dormant and neglected for the past two decades. One of these new pursuits is a training program to become a certified yoga teacher.

In The Circus of Life, yoga is a great complement to being a CEO. While one requires skills of juggling, multi-tasking, thinking of every impact and consequences; the other requires balance, singular focus, and training oneself to be fully present focused on every breath and movement.

I decided to pursue yoga training/certification as a way to do a deep dive into yoga and get even closer to my wife who has been on a yoga journey for the past 15 years. I also wanted this yoga teacher training as a way to commit to more regular exercise and getting fit – It has given me so much more.

My small weekday class at YogaFox is a wonderful and eclectic cross-section of people, good people. There is a fire/belly dancer juggling multiple priorities as she builds a business of teaching and managing entertainers; a young kick-fighter who is building so much confidence as she gets fit and, literally, kicks ass; a mother who is using yoga training as a way to bring some focus back to herself; a newly pregnant woman who is learning to manage her changing center of gravity every month; and myself, an ex-CEO who is taking the time to reflect, get re-grounded, and take better care of himself. Good people, each on a journey for different reasons and each enjoying each other’s company one week a month for six months.

Our teacher is highly educated in yoga and shares everything from the incredible and cleansing experiences of breathing, to the history and philosophy of yoga, to leading and assisting the asanas (postures), and the management of running a yoga studio. She brings humor into our class as we realize at the same time how beneficial it is to truly bring yoga into our daily life, and how challenging that can be in today’s world.

Yoga PhilosophyYesterday we studied and discussed the Yamas and Niyamas of yoga – the restrains and observations. Each yama and niyama was fascinating as we discussed it in depth. Each spoke to me as exactly what I need to focus on right now. Each had depth and applicability to every individual in every situation. And each was more relevant in today’s hectic, ego-centric, type A world, than ever before. A few examples:

YamasAhimsa (non-violence) – “My thoughts and actions are focused on loving awareness. I nurture and cherish myself and others. I am aware that the mind sometimes entertains thoughts of fear, anger, or selfishness but I do not get caught in these thoughts or act upon them. I accept, without judgement, any uncomfortable mental states. I release them and return to gentle, non-violent expressions of my energy.” – what a wonderful demonstration of how we can take the skills of meditation (quieting the mind and letting thoughts pass without judgement) into our daily lives… and what a challenge!

Asteya (Non-Stealing) – “I live in gratitude for all I have. I take and use only what is rightfully mine. I respect the possessions and talents of others and release my desires to own objects or talents I do not have. I appreciate my life as it is.”

Yoga NiyamaTapas (Austerity) – “I cultivate discipline. I have a realistic, balanced schedule for my seva (service), sadhana (practice), and personal needs. I am disciplined and also relaxed. I do not drain my energy by over effort and over work. My purpose is clear, my mind is decisive.”

Each yama or niyama can be very deep on its own, relating to our bodies, our minds, our actions, our environment, and our relationship with others. Each can be seen in the space of a moment, a day, or a lifetime. At the same time, when you look at the set of 10 yamas and niyamas we also see the balance between them. While Asteya (non-stealing) says we release our desire to own an object or talent we do not have, Tapas (austerity) says we bring daily discipline to work on ourselves. Thus, it is a balance of personal commitment and improvement without an unhealthy desire or focus on the outcome. Simply enjoy each moment, the journey, the practice… and by doing so, we will grow regardless.

Unknowingly, my yoga journey is quite yoga-esque. I did not sign up for yoga training because I have a strong desire to become a yoga instructor. I signed up to create a daily practice, to learn, and to gain something new I can share with my wife. And because of this, I am enjoying my training all the more – not thinking about ‘what will be on the test’ or ‘can I master teaching the class’ – simply appreciating the time together for one week a month with wonderful people, each on their own journey in life. Damn! I am starting to sound like a real yogi!

Each month when my yoga training week comes around I experience some resistance. “Oh no, there goes my whole week.” Then we take a few slow, deep breaths, and the world melts away and I can see it from a more distant perspective. At its best, yoga is calming and energizing; it is self-improving and non-judgemental; it is focused and mind expanding; it is priceless and I am glad to be on my journey with my instructor, my belly dancer, kick-fighter, mother, and mom-to-be.

… I can’t wait until next month!

What are you exploring along your life journey?!

Updates

Explore these great values this holiday season!

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A few months ago you could have asked me about my life purpose and values and I would have given you a very confident, ingrained, knee-jerk response:

“My Purpose? Improving Lives!”… no, wait, that was Procter & Gamble’s Purpose, not mine…

“My Values? Leadership; Integrity; Innovation”… no, wait, those were also Procter & Gamble’s… damn!

So, I spent some time over the past few months while working at coaching training to think about my energizing life purpose and my personal values. The first thing I realized is, they don’t have to be perfect, permanent, nor formal – go with what works for you today and you can revisit it as you grow. My life purpose, for now, is simply to “Enjoy and Explore The Circus of Life!” It will evolve overtime but for now it is inspiring as there is so much to explore that I have ignored for too long!

A few of my newly recognized personal values are “Simple, Flexible, and Fun”. I love these energizing values, quite different than some of my older stale ones.

simplify-in-word-collage-44046403Live Simply: For decades now, Americans have been manipulated to consume as much as we possibly can. Making more money? Buy a new car! The newest car, another computer, more cable stations, more clothes, more shoes, this year’s fashions, more kitchen gadgets,  and everything we could possible desire in the holiday season! Since when did people decide they need to have a new phone every year?! And for their children, too?! This year, we are going against the crowd and beginning to simplify. Now, we see that more and more American’s are waking up and doing the same.

Our family is in the midst of downsizing. We had a big house. It required a staff – cleaning lady, pest control service, lawn guys, pool guy, and more. We had fun in the house but we also filled every room, every closet, every spot in the 3 car garage with… crap! Now, we are donating things and preparing to move into a smaller, simpler house in a smaller, simpler community. In the interim, we have sold our house and put 2/3rds of our stuff in storage while we live in a rental home. The kids have mattresses on the floor and only a few toys — and they LOVE IT!!!

Working to say goodbye to high consumerism will take time as we form new habits; but we already feel the sense of freedom. SIMPLE is a wonderful value that makes us more aware and appreciative!

Be Flexible: My current life phase is one where I don’t want to make any new big commitments. Rather, I want to explore different things, new hobbies, fitness, cooking, spend time with friends and family, enjoy the many spices of life. Being flexible and spontaneous is a new value and one which I did not have the luxury of honoring while I was triple booked every day in a corporate life for two decades. Now, I have a list of things I may want to do on any given day, but if my wife wants to go somewhere, or a friend calls, I am free to reshuffle on a moments notice. Amazing things happen when you simply go with the flow. Flexible brings pleasant surprises daily!

Have Fun! Life is too short. If it ain’t fun, it ain’t worth it. There are so many examples any of us could give here from big fun to having fun in the mundane; but I think the underlying theme that has been important for me (and maybe for you) is: stop taking yourself so seriously! No one else really cares if you don’t look great, mess up, or simply goof off in public. In fact, others will probably appreciate it. Even if they don’t, you will! Enjoy life, enjoy the moment, enjoy your kids, and chill out!

So, my currently stated purpose is to “Explore and Enjoy The Circus of Life“.  A few of my values include Simple, Flexible, and Fun.* Staying true to this life compass for 2016 is energizing and should be a wonderful ride!

*P.S. – Other values remain important to me — Integrity, Creativity, Leadership, Collaboration, Reflection to name a few — but I am loving giving my new values top billing for a while as I flex some atrophied muscles with “Simple, Flexible, and Fun!”

What are some of your best values that can energize and guide your life?!

MyLife2.0 - The Journey and Journal, Structure for Well-Being

Mindfulness has it’s privileges!

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I have three children. At any point in time, one tends to be an overachiever, one tends to be anxious or worried, and one tends to dwell with some resentment on the past…

The other day, after some morning chaos at home, I drove them to school and gave them an admittedly rambling lecture on “being present”. I said something like:

  • While we can reflect on the past and learn from our failures, we should not dwell on regrets about the past;
  • While we can be excited about the future and think about it’s opportunities, we should not miss enjoying things today because we are too busy worrying or being anxious about the future;
  • Instead, we need to try to stay focused on the present, what we are doing now, what we are feeling, being aware of the people and beauty around us;
  • Life doesn’t happen in the future or in the past but HERE and NOW, so we should try to stay focused on the here and now and truly enjoy every moment – we don’t want to miss it – we want to be present in our life!

I wasn’t proud. I felt like my ad lib description had been a bit rambling and had not likely landed for my kids. Then, to my amazement, my youngest, who I thought to have been barely listening from the backseat, said, “It’s like the peace reflection we said this week!”

“What?” I asked, surprised she might have heard let alone comprehended what I had said.

“Well, every morning this week on the school announcement system they have read a poem that says:

Yesterday is History,

Tomorrow’s a Mystery,

Today is a Gift,

That’s why it’s called the Present”

I picked my jaw up from the floor and swerved back onto the road!

My son confirmed, since he was the kid doing announcements at school, this was indeed the poem he had read over the loudspeakers all week. We were able to discuss ideas as a family of how to remind ourselves to be focused on the present and treat as many moments as possible “a gift”. We could appreciate big things and small in nature, be even more aware of the people around us, be conscious and aware of our feelings and our actions. It was a great and lively discussion!

It was yet another moment where I was so appreciative to be spending precious time with my children instead of rushing frantically to work.

Interestingly, when I dropped my kids off at school, my youngest asked me to walk her to her classroom. Being in the moment, I agreed and we walked hand-in-hand through the school grounds.

When we reached her classroom, I knelt down to say goodbye to her. She gave me a big hug and even a kiss, something she rarely does in public. Then, as she walked away she turned and called out “I love you, Daddy!” and continued on her way…

…Mindfulness certainly has it’s privileges!

hand-in-hand
Love is… being present with one another.

Structure for Well-Being

Why you can’t remember what you had for dinner last night!

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How many times have you said, “I can’t even remember what I had for dinner last night!”? You might worry that your memory is failing; worry that you are becoming absent-minded; worry that you have too much going on…

…it is actually much simpler than that and it is easy to fix.

Phone in to Dinner

You don’t remember what you had for dinner because you were barely present there in the first place! You were absent (thus, absent-minded) or thinking about other things (thus, scatter-brained) and missing the moment…

“How can you expect to remember something that you barely experienced the first time?!”

Slow down, take a breath before dinner or any other important moment with loved ones. Take a break from texting, emailing, phones, mail, TV, internet, regret (about the past), worry (about the future) and simply BE PRESENT. It is the best advice for each of us – busy executives, soccer moms, parents, young adults, and teenagers… take a breath, get in touch with your surroundings, your senses, realize you are in control of your mind.

Be Present at DinnerIf you need a reminder, write “BREATHE” at your place setting so you can sit and take two deep breaths before your meal. It is amazing what two deep cleansing breaths can do to clear your head, get in touch with your body, and focus your mind on the present moment. Life doesn’t happen in the past or in the future; life happens NOW so be aware and present in the moment!

Here is your challenge – and it is completely in your control:

For the next seven days, before each meal take a few slow breaths and stay present throughout the meal. You will have more meaningful conversations, time to reflect, will make better choices, and you will experience simple moments worth remembering — every day!

We live in The Circus of Life — and you are the ringmaster — it is time to take control!